Compromise?
Should you? Should I? My mother says I am very stubborn and once I latch onto something I won't change my mind unless I want to. No one decides for me.Why is it that a lot of people tell me that marriage is about- love, care and compromises? Yes it’s about love, trust, honesty, and blah blah but does the compromise thing work on both sides? I hate that word.
Will the guy compromise if I want something? Shouldn’t he? It’s a give and take policy, right? So what if I want a room of my room? A room- which has my own bed, my books, my stuffed toys and all the little things that matter to me? My very own haven in a house that is labeled “us”…is it wrong? A retreat... a place where it’s all about me…its not like I am pushing him out, its just that I need my space at times.
You listen to your music, you decorate it the way you want it and make it a part of who you are. I don’t think its wrong. Living with someone can at times make you forget about yourself. Sometimes you need time off, just to be yourself, unwind and relax. Putting the “I” before the “us”…it’s not wrong is it? Sometimes? I am sure the guy would like to have his space, in fact who doesn’t. We all like to have our own retreat, a place that belongs to you and something that shares all your secrets, dreams and fears.
Why does compromise sound so much like letting go of who you are and being what the other wants you to be?
I will shush up now… happy weekend people. :)
posted by My Ramblings... | 5:56 PM
19 Comments:
it's a common misconception that we seem to have. compromise is not giving up who we are but accepting who the other is. The "I" has to be well to make the "us". that's something we tend to overlook
A room- which has my own bed - a seperate bed room eh? You know what, in olden days in Britain, people of the high society used to have like this. There would be seperate bedrooms for the husband and the wife and the rooms would be interconnected. They go to bed in their rooms and if they feel like whatever, they can go in to the other room..mornings they come out of their own rooms..that was the level of decency they maintained before their maids and servants..
I love that concept! but my friends made fun of me when i told them this :(
Well, well, well my lady, I wanna know what trigered this thought? ;)
It cannot be just that conversation with your mom. Out with it :D
Cannot agree more and I have noticed that these society defined "compromises" teach us to build expectations for one's better half!
Obviously, when these expectations fail, we get suffocated in a relationship...
instead having a relation that can be cherished by both will be much healthier...My experience seems to speak alot these days ;)
Yeah , So what triggered this thought? Pray do tell ! :p
whts the exact meaning of this word???
i am still confused.
dont u think its better we eliminate it from our day to day lives?
enjoyed reading ur blog!!
as far as this post is concerned, I absolutely go with what biju has had to say.being a house wife, sometimes even i need my time-offs. Times are changing, and so are men..I guess reading your post only makes me feel how lucky i am to have a life partner who is letting me have everything my way. bottom line nothing has to change except ones perspective regarding the change itself.
Why is it that a lot of people tell me that marriage is about- love, care and compromises?
Why everyone is scaring me by talking about marriages these days??
Man....the only relief are ma pets....thank god they dont know how to speak, else I was dead for sure.....
Why does compromise sound so much like letting go of who you are and being what the other wants you to be?
Is adjustment the right word??
I know compromise does not sound good....coz you need to adjust urself in a relationship to make it work...even if its marriage...but I will not call it compromise and letting go of who you are....
hey rambling lady .. thats a mind fighting thought you are having? ... i agree with Biju's comments ompromise is not giving up who we are but accepting who the other is. The "I" has to be well to make the "us"
it doesn't have to be difficult .. unless you make it that way.
Hope you had a good weekend
Hey!
came to your blog through sudarshan's and your topic couldnt have been at a better time!
Got married last yr and marriage forces u to think and talk abt the word compromise and adjustment! and I used to think the same way too.....
But the perspective changes when u love someone...Yes there is ALWAYS a need for space and putting the "I" before "us" sometimes...and trust em there is nothing wrong with it..Important thing is u talk with your partner about these things..about EVREYTHING!...
Nothing in this world is ideal..its upto us to make it as close to perfect as we can...and compromise takes a completely different meaning when ur in love..coz then u WANT to do it rather than "HAVE" to do it..and it changes everything!
Hope that helps in clearing some of your thots-else just get married and u'll figure it all out;-)!
A lot of inputs ...thanks you guys!! :)
aha!
The I and us debate!
Trust me everyone goes through this--this is a natural churn in any relationship!
But geuss we all overcome it and yes I so agree with the "Am I losing myself by compromising too much"? feeling..I used to and still have it all the time...
But as Anand mentioned once ur in love a lot of your happiness is derived from the happiness of the other person and the I does'nt seem too relevant anymore!:-)
that was a really nice piece.
Why does compromise sound so much like letting go of who you are and being what the other wants you to be?
followed by biju's comment:
compromise is not giving up who we are but accepting who the other is.
i disagree Biju. with all due respect, there arent enough people who practice the concept of compromise that you have described. its the same when people say "why should i compromise" and "why should i change".
and in all the situations in which i have had to face that word, it has always meant "letting go of what i believe" more than "accepting".
It is not wrong. Don't let anyone to interfere with your own and personal life space. A world of your own :) But you can make room for the most closest relations outside your circle.
Hmmm pretty interesting.
Though i don't c wht could be the big deal with each person having his/her own room to unwind and relax...i myself would want to have a seperate study/reading room to unwind.
but thinking about this more.. maybe the compromise you are talking about isn't in the actual marriage stages .. its the pre marriage stages. ie - compromising who we will marry etc .. :(
very interesting ... something that I've already thought about ... marriage does not involve as much compromise as acceptance ... accepting the lil' quirks of ur partner and having a sense of humour about it ... :)
well, my views are -
http://anupr.blogspot.com/2006/01/my-thoughts-on-marriage.html
Amazing that so many bloggers are posting about marriage now ...
I think I will have to get married to find out how much 'compromise' or rather adjustment is required..but when you love someone and do things for the other person you forget that word 'compromise' if it makes him happy..especially when you know that he'll do anything for you too
A post that makes a whole lot of sense to me surely. its funny how things kinda change when someone gets attached. And if its the kinda man who demands service off his girlfriend than its kinda hard to get them to understand that we need some space for ourselves. But however, i do agree on the part that we need our own space at our own times. it would be too boring a relationship if its always abt the other one. its takes two to clap and understand actually. its just that some just dun get the crap and expect us to be their wrap. i hope that make sense. :)Good one.
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